Posts by The Egg Report
America Has a New Burger King: Donald J. Trump
Yesterday, Donald Trump officially crowned himself King of America. In a stroke of marketing genius, Burger King wasted no time signing him to a one-year NIL deal to play guard for the Miami Dolphins—because if there’s one thing Trump loves more than power, it’s whoppers and “French lies.” In the offseason, The King promises to…
Read MoreFox News Host Lawrence Jones Comforts Byron Donalds Amid Heartbreaking Snub by the Musk White House
After being ghosted by the Musk White House, Fox News host Lawrence “Law Dawg” Jones was spotted comforting his best dude, Byron “Baby Boy” Donalds. Donalds, devastated and sitting alone on a Washington D.C. bench, was reportedly sobbing uncontrollably last week. Jones, in town for a DEI (Division, Exclusion, and Inequality) convention, noticed the congressman…
Read MoreNetflix to Host Trump vs. Vance Fight to Determine Vice President
In an unprecedented move, Donald “Big Red” Trump and “Jake the Snake” JD Vance will step into the ring to determine who will be VP. After being bounced from the presidency by Elon Musk “Go”, Trump and Vance are now battling for the number two spot. Even though Trump is approximately 100 years older than…
Read MoreTrump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Clash in a Late-Night White House Smackdown!
The Secret Service had quite a scare late Friday night when they found Robert F. Kennedy Jr. putting President Donald “Big Red” Trump in a Full Nelson in the middle of the White House kitchen. According to Trump, he was simply on his way to grab a midnight snack when Kennedy ambushed him, yelling, “Not…
Read More“Pistol Pete” Hegseth Loses Vodka Drinking Contest Against Putin
During a recent visit to Russia, “Pistol Pete” Hegseth found himself in a pickle—a vodka-drinking contest against the Russian bear-himself Vladimir Putin. At first, Hegseth declined, citing a promise to Congress that he’d quit drinking if appointed Head of the Department of Defense. But after a moment of reflection, he said, “F— it, let’s go!”…
Read MoreDEI Update: Fox News Finally Embraces Reparations
After careful deliberation, Fox News has finally decided to take a step forward. According to sources, Black employees at Fox News filed complaints with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) because they were tired of seeing too many wealthy Black athletes, movie stars, and singers dominate the airwaves. The few token Black executives left over from…
Read MoreDEI-Division, Exclusion, and Inequality Update
Trump Ends Affirmative Action Program and Replaces it With Negative Action Program in Washington DC With advice from the Proud Boys and the Oath Keepers, Trump has agreed to fire as many Black people as he possibly can and give those jobs to the Whites. This is a very sad story as many people will…
Read MoreEntertainment
Snoop Poop Dogg Agrees to Return the 1-Billion Dollars He Received for Performing at the Presidential Klan Rally The rapper Snoop “Poop” Dogg has agreed to give back the 1 billion dollars he received at The Presidential Klan Rally. Amid heavy criticism, from Pooky, Ray Ray, and their Playa for Life friend Big Al, Snoop…
Read MoreBreaking News
Fox News Implements New DEI Policy Well, wouldn’t you know it? Fox News has finally decided to join the rest of America by being fair to everyone. They have created a new DEI policy at the network labeled Division, Exclusion, and Inequality. Fox’s mission is to make sure that only women with blonde hair, blue…
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