Trump and MAGA Republicans Pass Bill to Deport Immigrant Dogs

By The Egg Report | 05/20/2025 |

In a bold move, Trump and House MAGA Republicans have passed a bill requiring foreign-born dogs to either apply for citizenship or face deportation. The Canine Citizenship Act retroactively targets popular breeds like the French Bulldog, German Shepherd, Golden Retriever, Poodle, and Yorkshire Terrier, all now considered undocumented. If your dog was born outside of…

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Trump Diagnosed With OTC (Old, Tired, and Confused) Syndrome

By The Egg Report | 05/03/2025

In his most recent physical, doctors confirmed what many Americans already suspected: Donald Trump has been officially diagnosed with OTC—Old, Tired, and Confused syndrome. Symptoms include incoherent rambling, picking imaginary fights with peaceful neighbors like Canada and Mexico, and telling everyone that Joe Biden caused the 1929 stock market crash. As a result, physicians have…

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Black Friday Sale for Republican Politicians  

By The Egg Report | 03/26/2025

On Sunday, March 30, 2025, there will be a Black Friday sale on Republican politicians at the Mar-a-Fafo Country Club. If you are interested in purchasing a fiercely loyal Republican who will not offer any resistance, is willing to bend the knee, and will not talk back, you don’t want to miss this event. They…

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Byron Donalds MUSKMAGA AWARD WINNER February 27, 2025

By The Egg Report | 02/27/2025

This award goes to individuals who love Elon Musk and Donald Trump more than they love themselves. They are dedicated and committed to their Dear Leaders even though Musk and Trump will never give them the validation they seek. Today’s winner is Byron “Baby Boy” Donalds. Byron is running for Governor of Florida and promises…

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America Has a New Burger King: Donald J. Trump

By The Egg Report | 02/21/2025

Yesterday, Donald Trump officially crowned himself King of America. In a stroke of marketing genius, Burger King wasted no time signing him to a one-year NIL deal to play guard for the Miami Dolphins—because if there’s one thing Trump loves more than power, it’s whoppers and “French lies.” In the offseason, The King promises to…

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Fox News Host Lawrence Jones Comforts Byron Donalds Amid Heartbreaking Snub by the Musk White House

By The Egg Report | 02/17/2025

After being ghosted by the Musk White House, Fox News host Lawrence “Law Dawg” Jones was spotted comforting his best dude, Byron “Baby Boy” Donalds. Donalds, devastated and sitting alone on a Washington D.C. bench, was reportedly sobbing uncontrollably last week. Jones, in town for a DEI (Division, Exclusion, and Inequality) convention, noticed the congressman…

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“Pistol Pete” Hegseth Loses Vodka Drinking Contest Against Putin

By The Egg Report | 02/16/2025

During a recent visit to Russia, “Pistol Pete” Hegseth found himself in a pickle—a vodka-drinking contest against the Russian bear-himself Vladimir Putin. At first, Hegseth declined, citing a promise to Congress that he’d quit drinking if appointed Head of the Department of Defense. But after a moment of reflection, he said, “F— it, let’s go!”…

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