Trump Diagnosed With OTC (Old, Tired, and Confused) Syndrome

In his most recent physical, doctors confirmed what many Americans already suspected: Donald Trump has been officially diagnosed with OTC—Old, Tired, and Confused syndrome. Symptoms include incoherent rambling, picking imaginary fights with peaceful neighbors like Canada and Mexico, and telling everyone that Joe Biden caused the 1929 stock market crash.

As a result, physicians have prescribed daily doses of limitless praise from his cabinet, Truth Social fans, and MAGA House members. Experts warn that without this treatment, his mental stability could quickly worsen.

They warn that supplies of this cure may be running low due to widespread exhaustion from his supporters constantly having to kiss his rather-than-large derriere.