Breaking News! James Uthmeier and Ron DeSantis Have Privately Expressed Interest In Becoming African American

Despite their public efforts to dismantle DEI  and eliminate policies like the Rooney Rule, insiders claim the two have long admired what Black people have been able to achieve despite strong racial headwinds from a few misguided Americans. According to the whispers, they are fascinated by Black excellence, ranging from dominating sports, influencing pop culture, and flying rockets around the moon.

Sources say the pair have kept their feelings hidden out of fear of backlash from their political base and friends, choosing instead to oppose the very communities they admire loudly.

In what may be the most dramatic twist, the two are set to pivot from their bombastic attacks on Black people once they are out of office.  Sources say they plan to embrace racial justice causes and launch a nonprofit supporting African Americans. For now, both men remain firmly committed to their current positions until they leave office. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story.